Fix You

The song "Fix You" is one song that is not country that will forever be a favorite of mine.  It brings back feelings, memories and has so many different meanings to me.  Recently I found out the reason behind the lyrics and it made me love it even more.

Today is the anniversary of my daddy's death.  It has been eleven long but short years.  I feel like it was yesterday yet there are so many things I cannot remember.  It is such a surreal feeling.  It is weird.  I hate when people say sorry because it is not their fault however I just do not want to be happy on this day.  Do not try to make me happy.  Just let me be me and be sad and that will make me happy.  Not making sense? That's fine.  I don't have to.  

My friends know that on this day they can either be there or not but I, Caitlin, will more than likely, mentally, not be present.  Teachers have always known that I check out on this day.  It is a weird day inside my head.  Normally, any other day, I do not acknowledge that my dad is gone.  This is hard subject for me to talk about but since most of you do not actually know me, I feel as though I might as well tell someone who will not judge me.  

I act like he is coming back, like he will be home when I get there.  I have never fully understood or accepted the fact that my father, indeed, will not ever hug me again.  It isn't something most people that know me understand.  They do not get how I can just talk about it so openly but I have become numb to the situation.  I seem "cold" or distant when I talk about it and to be honest, that is fine with me because I know that my dad knows that I love and miss him.  That is all that truly matters.

Anyways, here is the song and what I found out the meaning behind it is...

"She came home from the hospital after her father passed covered in tears. I started crying and kept asking her ‘What can I do for you? Tell me how I can help’…And she looked up at me and said ‘Just hold me..’cause you’re the only thing that can fix me right now.’" - Chris Martin on the inspiration for ‘Fix You’

Hope you enjoyed my more personal post today.

Stay Sunny !